Monday, March 4, 2013

Anger

      I would like to post this blog-like post here, as it may be deemed too "negative" for my professional blog-like page.

      People often speak about constructs such as politics, society, socio-politics, economics, socio-political economics, and all of those keywords. For the past few years, I have thought these to be the least interesting topic of conversation of all. There's no way to gauge the “value” of dialogue outside of the mutual interest of the two parties, but any time someone speaks of human rights, conspiracies, “the system” – all I can reply is, “Yeah, hm,” and all I can think is “ .” It holds nothing to me, as I think in the grand scheme. Possibly too much. I've held the personal displeasure of believing that I am “above” such things, things that truly do not exist outside of conversation and debates.
      My long term goal is to make a personal reality away from the things that I disavow, to set my nihilism active and transcend all of this shallowness. To create a foundation where I can act through the bare minimum of what people say I “should do” to live in this world. To me, that means paying off my debts, then making enough money and learning enough to live outside of the confines of words thrown around like “society.” This is why I chose to live on a farm, to lay a videography foundation and live through things that truly are important through Nietzschean and general nihilist perspectives – art, friendship, relationships, universal knowledge, love, health, and the sublime.
      People have told me, “Well, you can't do that. That's not how the world works.” Which world? Of course I am. Because I AM better than this, I am smarter than this, and I know many people stuck in the same trap as I are smarter than this. Everyone has their way of transcending such superficial values that many hold as self-evident. I myself have felt like all work for money I have done in the last two years has been to pay off the debts of people who have taken advantage of me – scams, psychotic entrepreneurs making false promises, a bank that doesn't tell me about their interest policy, parking tickets... as well as the personal faults of my lifetime I have to make up for now – an unhealthy childhood, attempts to numb any attempts to ascend, my trustiness of people and the workings of things, the naivete and instability of my past, the paradox of romantic ideals.
      Now, I just need to suck it up, face what most call “reality,” and work these inner workings to pay off my debt. Soon, the true, sublime, ancestral, and transcendent will shed light. I hope to affect others in a way that would give them such enlightenment as well.

      Any speech about the misworkings of “The System” is just as absurd as the words of “The System itself.”

      Then again, who am I to say these words, strewn together out of immediate anger over a parking ticket in the contraption that seems to embody all of this -- New York City, are of more value than the ones I condemn? Oh well – they are my own.